Need You, Need This
by KoolJack1
Summary: Aaron Hotchner never thought he'd ever need what he's asking for now.


_A/N: Special thanks to my beta, _rascalflattsgurl43!

He knocked on the door tentatively, his hands shaking and sweaty already. The phone call had freaked him out a little, but how could he not go when Hotch called him? He asked him to come over, talked about the emptiness of his apartment, said that Jack was at Jessica's and he couldn't handle the quiet. He'd obviously been drinking, Reid could tell that much from the eight minute call. Between his drunken ramblings and choked sobs, Spencer had grabbed his cane, balancing his phone against his shoulder, and limped to his car.

Somewhere during the drive from his apartment to Hotch's, despite his efforts to keep his boss talking, the call disconnected. Spencer very rarely drove over the speed limit, but he couldn't control the pressure of his foot as he sped up slightly. He'd only been to Hotch's place once, right after his first run in with Foyet. Morgan had taken him to visit and show their support. He remembered how he'd awkwardly stood in the doorway while Morgan and Hotch talked for a few minutes. His eyes just traveled around the room silently, just like he wasn't even there. He was used to that though, being invisible. He was almost sorry he went, until it was time to go and Hotch walked them to the door. Hotch placed a hand on his arm and smiled, quietly thanking him for coming. He forced a smile back and quickly followed Morgan back out to the car.

He pulled up in front of Hotch's building and stumbled out of the car. He couldn't deny that he was elated that Hotch had actually called him in a time of need. He knew he wasn't anyone's go-to friend, but it was nice to be counted on every once in a while. It felt good to be needed, even though he had a funny feeling he knew what he was needed for.

Finally the door opened, a bleary eyed Hotch peering at him through the cracked door. He ducked his head, taking interest in Hotch's bare feet.

"Thank you for coming, Spencer," Hotch's broken voice said, breaking the silence.

He flinched when Hotch's warm hand grasped his arm, but allowed Hotch to lead him inside. The apartment was dark, and it reeked of alcohol and sweat. "Want a drink?" Hotch asked casually, sniffling back the tears that were invading his throat.

Cautiously, Reid limped over to the couch, lowering himself down next to Hotch. As he reached for the glass Hotch poured for him, he saw that his hand was trembling. Shaking it off, he took a sip of the heavy Scotch, wincing as it burned his throat. He wasn't a drinker, but tonight was a special occasion. He was about to ask why he'd called him here tonight, but Hotch spoke up.

"I know what you did for Morgan, when he was going through hard times," he started.

Reid's whole body jerked, his muscles tightening. "I, he needed...someone," he stuttered, feeling his face darken hotly. "It's unprofessional, I know. I-I just needed...he needed – "

Hotch broke off his stumbling explanation by placing a gentle hand on his knee. Spencer let his mouth close with an audible snap.  
"You don't have to explain, Spencer," Hotch said quietly, gently squeezing Reid's good knee.

Spencer swallowed painfully, pushing his long hair back behind his ear, "How did- How did you know?"

Hotch chuckled dryly, taking another sip of his drink, "I saw the bruises Reid. I noticed how you couldn't look Morgan in the eyes for days. I'm a profiler, Reid." They were silent for a moment, before Hotch spoke again. "You don't have to be here, Reid. You can go, I'll understand."

Spencer could feel his heart hammering in his chest and he struggled to breathe. Was Hotch suggesting...? Fear bubbled in his chest, accompanied by something that was scary in itself- undeniable lust.

"I wouldn't have come if I didn't want to be here," he said quickly, pushing his hair back behind his ear again. He knew it was time for a cut.

"You're telling me you are okay with this?" Hotch said carefully, placing his glass back down on the table. Reid nodded mutely, unable to trust his voice. He felt the couch shift when Hotch shifted slightly closer. "You know no one can know about this, right? I've never done this before, and I don't know the boundaries," he admitted honestly. He gave Reid a minute to collect himself, reaching for his glass to drain it.

"I know, and I usually have a safe word," he started, inhaling shakily.

"Usually? Morgan wasn't your first?" Hotch asked gently. Reid looked up quickly before ducking his head again; Hotch took that as enough of an answer. "What's your safe word?"

Reid hesitated for a moment before whispering, "Tobias." Hotch tried to keep his face neutral, but he was surprised.

"What are the limits?" Hotch asked, hating himself for even asking the young, vulnerable man here. He knew Reid wouldn't say no. He knew he could easily take control of the skinny man, and he knew Reid would let him. That was exactly what he needed.

"There are none, that's the purpose of the safe word. Nothing is off limits, but if it gets to be too much; the safe word stops it. Just no broken bones, and if I say the word, you have to stop," he gushed, breathing hard.

Hotch watched him closely, reaching out to touch his shoulder. His whole body was trembling, but he wasn't sure if it was out of fear or some other emotion; but he squeezed gently in reassurance. "I will stop, you can trust me." Unsure what else to say, he quickly leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the corner of Reid's mouth. Reid couldn't sit still, and he jerked his head back.  
"I know this sounds stupid, but can I uh, have more to drink?" he hated how his voice trembled, but he never wanted to be in the right state of mind when he did things like this. Dilaudid usually did the trick, but he knew that was no longer an option. Alcohol would numb him just as much.

Hotch poured him another drink, filling his glass this time without saying a word. Reid put it to his lips and tipped his head back, draining the glass in one swig. It burned, badly, but he cleared his throat and shut his eyes for a moment; reveling in how his head swam slightly. "Okay, I'm ready," he said without opening his eyes.

Hotch's mouth pressed more forcefully against his lips, and he did his best to return it. Just as quickly as the kiss started, the warm lips were gone. He was about to open his eyes when a hand found its way around his throat. He gasped, hands coming up to grip Hotch's wrists. His eyes flew open in surprise, looking right into Hotch's dark eyes. They were full of fear, anger, and remorse, all of which that were coded over with pain, and Reid had to close his eyes again.

Another hand knotted in his hair and tugged, hard. He whimpered, wincing when Hotch tugged again. He knew how strong Hotch was, and that scared him a little. He knew how capable he was of hurting him, badly.

The first blow hit him across the side of the face, forcing his head to snap to the left. The second one hit him in the chest, knocking the wind out of him. Both hands grabbed his collar and pulled him to his feet before tossing him on the floor. The alcohol slowed his reflexes and his face connected with the carpet before he could get his arms under him.

He managed to open his eyes, just to find that the world was spinning around him. A foot collided with his side, rolling him onto his back. Hotch's hands ripped the buttons of his shirt open, exposing his pale, yet surprisingly defined chest.

Hotch admired it for a moment, his eyes drifting up to look into Reid's unfocused ones. It hurt him to see him like this, to know that Reid enjoyed this type of treatment. It hurt even worse knowing that he was now adding to it. Unable to control himself, he sank down on top of Reid's narrow hips, one leg on each side. He kissed Reid's lips again, placing one hand on each side of his head. Suddenly Reid let out a yelp, struggling against Hotch's overbearing weight. Hotch pulled back, running a hand through Reid's long hair.

"My knee," he gasped, his hand clutching Hotch's shoulder.

Aaron carefully scooted forward, placing a gentle kiss on his smooth forehead, "I'm sorry, do you want to stop?" Reid settled back against the rug, shutting his eyes while the pain in his knee dulled to a throb and shook his head.

Without hesitation, Hotch grabbed his shoulders and pulled him forward before slamming him back against the floor. Once, twice, a third time before Reid started sputtering. Hotch couldn't stop himself from slamming a fist into Reid's stomach.

A small trickle of blood dripped from Reid's split lip, and something in Hotch broke then, and he couldn't control himself anymore. The blows landed without fear, leaving red marks in their place. Reid was disturbingly silent, aside from the occasional whimper. He didn't use the safe word, even when Hotch yanked his pants off his skinny legs. Not even when he forced him on his knees.

He realized that he'd underestimated Reid for years, because he was stronger than he ever would have imagined. When it felt like an eternity had passed, but the clock told him it had been seventeen minutes, Hotch carefully climbed off of Reid, zippering his pants. He looked down at Reid's nude body, face down on his rug; and crouched down to gently rub his shoulder blade. Reid was tense, his muscles shaking with weakness. "Are you okay?" Hotch asked quietly, not really expecting an answer. He gently rolled Reid onto his back and gathered him into his arms.

They didn't have work tomorrow, and he suspected that Reid didn't have any plans; so he set him down on his bed. It worried him when Spencer looked up at him through half lidded eyes, but he was breathing steadily and Hotch went into the master bath to grab his first aid kit. He ignored Reid's nakedness while he checked over his wounds. It was only when Hotch gently pressed his fingers against a darkening shadow on his upper thigh that Reid had any reaction at all. "Tobias," he gasped, his hands quickly grabbing at Hotch's hand.

"We're done Reid, I'm just checking you over," he answered, confused. The closeness seemed to be too much, and Reid was suddenly more alert and struggling to sit up.

"No, no I need to leave," he said quietly, but Hotch carefully pushed him to lay back.

"Spencer, you are going to stay here tonight. I'll get you something to sleep in." Hotch wasn't taking no for an answer, and went to fetch Reid a pair of flannel pants. "Do you want to shower?"

"No, can I just use your bathroom?" he asked quietly, and Hotch returned to his side to help him to his feet.

"Of course," he steadied Spencer when he was on his feet, and Reid took the pants from him and covered himself up with his hands. Hotch jogged back to the living room to grab Reid's cane; returning only to find Reid struggling to get into the bathroom. Hotch came to his side to assist him, but Reid lurched away.

"No,"

"Spencer, I just want to-"

"No," and the look in his eyes told him Reid wasn't kidding and Hotch let him shuffle into the bathroom.

Taking a seat on the bed, he sighed deeply. He couldn't believe what had just happened. He got himself ready for bed while Spencer was in the bathroom, debating if he should offer Reid to sleep with him or if he should give Spencer the bed and he take the couch.

He didn't get much time to think before Spencer opened the bathroom door. His head was down, chest bare now covered in marks that he left, and Hotch couldn't help but think he looked good in his flannel pants.

"Do you want to sleep in here with me, or would you rather me sleep on the couch?" Hotch asked, getting right to the point. Reid looked up for a moment, blinking before looking down again.

"Can I stay where you do?" he asked quietly, and Hotch just nodded.

"Help yourself to anything you need during the night," he said as he turned down the bed.

Reid carefully climbed in, wincing as he laid back slowly. Hotch reached for the light, turning the switch until the room was covered in darkness.

Reid squeaked, "Do you have a nightlight?"

Hotch didn't think twice about getting up and heading to Jack's room. He returned moments later and plugged in the smiley face light next to where Spencer was laying. He let out of sigh of relief and Hotch returned to his side of the bed.

"Thank you," he breathed.

Hotch didn't reply, but he did slowly inch towards Reid. His arm slowly found its way around Reid's waist, and much to his surprise, Reid settled back against his chest. "Thank you," he breathed into his ear, and Reid shivered; his hand gently coming up to clutch his. Warm tears dripped from Hotch's eyes, and he felt Reid's chest compress with a silent sob; and he knew they were both so smothered in pain that this almost felt normal. They both also knew that this couldn't ease that pain, but for now; it was almost enough.


End file.
